


an odd little story about falling in love

by levlinwinlaer



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Everyone's gay, F/F, M/M, alex is lowkey a cheating asshole but what else is new, in this house we stan angelica schuyler, maliza
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-05
Updated: 2016-06-09
Packaged: 2018-07-12 07:51:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 11
Words: 8,232
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7093201
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/levlinwinlaer/pseuds/levlinwinlaer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Afterwards, neither of them really know what to say, and so they don't speak. They hold each other, and when Maria cries, Eliza kisses away her tears.</p><p>edit: yo i'm rewriting this bc i got newly reattached to maria reynolds</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. calculus and green tea

Eliza Schuyler lives in a dorm room on the west side of campus and takes Calculus at noon on Thursdays and has brilliant hazel eyes and likes green tea and Maria Reynolds is a little in love with her before they even say a word to each other. 

She sits in the back of the class and watches Eliza and ignores the teacher, who really would fit in much better at a mortuary rather than an institution of higher learning. She draws a little cartoon of Eliza on the corner of her notebook paper, and, embarrassingly, doodles a little heart around it.  _Shit, what is she? A middle schooler?_

"Hey," comes a voice suddenly, and Maria looks up, startled, and slams her notebook closed. The hazel eyes of Eliza Schuyler are a little too close, and a light smile teases at the corners of her mouth and- _stop looking at her lips Reynolds what's she saying pay attention_. 

"...so what do you say, partner?"

Maria blinks. "What?"

One eyebrow arches. "Were you not paying attention? It's useful to know what's going on."

"Doesn't seem like I can miss much in this class," Maria says, and Eliza's eyes widen, and then she grins, a flash of white.

"Oh, I _like_ you, Miss Reynolds."

And as Eliza leans in closer and starts talking about derivatives, gesturing to a neatly organised notebook, Maria breathes in the scent of citrus and flowers, and tries to think _she's taken_ , and _I'm taken_ , but all she knows when Eliza's hand brushes her arm is  _she smells like green tea and she sticks her tongue out a little when she's doing math and her eyes squint_ and Maria really needs to get a handle on this crush.

Her solution to what she's dubbed the Eliza Situation is to make Eliza green tea, with just a touch of sweet cream, and leave it in a thermos just outside the dorm. When she comes back from early Journalism- seriously, who teaches a class at six in the morning- there's a container of pancakes sitting innocuously outside her door, with a winky face and a '-E' scribbled across the top. This playful little morning trade becomes a habit, and before she knows it, they've memorised each other's schedules and they're trading dorm rooms for 'bestie dinners', and she's so caught up in this lovely banter that she forgets about _taken_ , and she says a few things she shouldn't have, just a touch too flirty, and Eliza's face shifts in an unrecognisable way and she looks away, and then changes the subject. Eliza gives her a key to her dorm, and Maria spends far too many nights there, and then she tells her about James, about the steadily worsening relationship, about the drunkenness, and Eliza holds her, murmuring, and the soft vibration of her chest puts Maria to sleep. And in return, Eliza tells her about the countless hours that Alexander spends in the library, and Maria doesn't mention the boy he smiles at and instead murmurs quiet reassuring lies and pets Eliza's hair.

They have pasta Friday night, and tacos Tuesday night, and Chinese on Saturdays, Eliza tossing bits of _baozi_ across the room into Maria's open mouth. Movie nights are Sundays and Wednesdays. Eventually, they're spending every waking moment attached at the hip. Maria seamlessly shifts into Eliza's friendgroup, and soon they become  _ElizaandMaria_ , only one invitation necessary. 

Maria eats 6 AM breakfast with Angelica Schuyler, the brilliant valedictorian law student who lives offcampus but spends breakfast in the cafeteria anyways. They argue about philosophy until their laughter echoes in the empty cafeteria.

Peggy Schuyler is the youngest of the three, and flirts outrageously with Maria everytime they see each other. She's a freshman at MIT, but she comes down to Yale every so often to bully her sisters and try to one-line her way into Maria's bed. "Wrong Schuyler," Maria tells her, dramatically pressing a kiss to Angelica's cheek, and Eliza pouts and pouts until Maria gives in and plants a kiss on her cheek (more like the corner of her mouth, but Peggy and Angelica pretend not to notice.)

Maria comes over with groceries one night, pasta and tomatoes and garlic, and when she jokingly calls, "Honey, I'm home!" there's no response. Maria frowns, kicking the door shut behind her, and pauses when she sees her.

Eliza is draped over the couch, fingers gripping the neck of a bottle. For a second, Maria can't tell if she's asleep or sick or worse, and then her eyes blink open. She's wasted, two empty bottles on the floor, and a third half-empty in her hand. Maria's never seen her like this.

"Hey, 'Liza," Maria says softly, hands out like she's talking to a deer about to bolt. "Didn't know that spending Friday nights getting wasted was your thing."

"We broke up," Eliza says. In a sudden unexpected motion, she slams a fist against the back of the couch, letting out a harsh sob. Maria flinches, but crouches by the couch nevertheless, prying the bottle from her grip.

"Talk to me, _tesoro_ ," she murmurs, taking Eliza's hand between hers.

"He was fucking a boy,' Eliza says abruptly, blandly, as if recounting the details of someone else's sadness. The curse bites foreign in her mouth. 'He told me he loved him, and that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with him. And then he said I'd been growing distant, and he'd thought that I liked someone else, and he didn't want me if I didn't want him.  _Fuck_ , Maria, all I ever needed was to be wanted!'

Eliza breaks off into great heaving sobs, pressing a balled fist to her eyes. Maria reaches out, takes her face in both hands, and presses her thumbs to the purple circles beneath her eyes, catching the tears.

"Eliza," Maria says, insistent, "I care about you. We _all_ do, even Peggy."

Eliza scrubs a hand beneath her eyes. "Who gives a damn about me anyways?"

"I'd write a book for you," Maria says suddenly. Eliza looks up at her, confused, and she meets her gaze with a steady smile. "Hell, I'd write _poems_ about you. Sappy ones, too. Like, e. e. cummings on love steroids.'

Eliza laughs weakly at that, but it breaks a little halfway through.

'I'm serious!' Maria exclaims, tilting her chin up. 'I  _would_. You're the most wonderful person I've ever met.' She almost adds the _I love you_ , but pushes it down. _This isn't the time,_ she reminds herself. _There'll never be a time. She isn't meant for you._

So she stands up, tugs Eliza up from the couch.

'I want tacos,' she declares. 'We're going to get tacos, and there's nothing you can do about it. Tacos are the best breakup food.'

'Ice cream,' Eliza protests, and her voice is watery, but she's smiling a little and that's all that matters.

They end up falling asleep on the couch, takeout boxes and Häagen-Dazs still open on the table because Peggy's the clean freak of the Schuylers and it's not like Maria cares, after all.

'Love ya, dumbass,' Maria murmurs into her hair. Eliza sighs, whispers something indistinct that might have been 'love you too', and Maria rests her chin on top of Eliza's head and falls asleep with the scent of green tea.


	2. requited

Maria talks in her sleep, and the hand resting on her hip tightens for a moment. Eliza props herself up, and watches Maria as she sighs and wedges herself solidly between Eliza and the back of the couch.

She's gorgeous. Unfairly so. Almost every guy in Calculus (and a good portion of the girls too) knows it. There's that curly mass of hair that falls down her shoulders and is just  _so amazingly soft_ , and there's the half-lidded chocolate of her eyes and the quiet confidence, and also the easy accent that teases the curl of her 'r's and how her mouth is always painted a bright crimson and the way her eyes are brilliantly expressive when she's reading a  _really_ good book, and- well. Maybe Eliza's been looking too closely.

She had walked into her own dorm a few weeks back and stopped when she saw Maria, perched on her kitchen counter with sauce simmering on the stove, a phone pressed to her ear and an annoyed expression on her face. She had looked up, smiled distractedly, and then had started arguing impatiently with whoever was on the other end of the line, and Eliza had gripped the counter unsteadily as Maria's red-painted mouth turned words to gold. She had laughed when Eliza had begged her to speak in nothing but Italian for the rest of her life, and said, fondly, "Tu sei molta carina," which Eliza Google-Translated and then, embarrassingly, blushed for an hour over.

Another time (the first of many), Eliza had stepped out the door and nearly tripped over a thermos bearing the scrawl of Maria Reynolds. She had opened it out of curiosity, expecting coffee (because everyone in her life [Alex] seemed to adore that fucking bean water), and when the scent of green tea, slightly sweet, wafted out, she was a little confused. 'How'd you know that was my favourite?' she'd written on her note with the pancakes, and the next day, the same thermos was sitting there, and her heart, very irrationally, skipped a beat. She wondered for a moment why she was so excited to read a note, and then tossed the thought aside and opened the slip.

_My Dearest Eliza,_ it read,  _I learned of your love for the drink from you yourself. You always wince at the smell of coffee, so I assumed you were a tea sort. As for the green tea- it seems that it is the sort of flavour you would like, what with it being somewhere between light and rich- and the dash of sweet cream: my dear, you are sweet. It is only proper that your drinks should be too._

Eliza does _not_ blush for the rest of the day and she most certainly does _not_ keep the note.

Another time, she had walked into her own dorm to see Maria, perched on her kitchen counter with bolognese simmering on the stove, a phone pressed to her ear and an annoyed expression on her face. She had looked up, smiled distractedly, and then had started arguing with the person on the line, and Eliza had gripped the counter just to remain upright. Maria had laughed when Eliza had begged her to speak in nothing but Italian for the rest of her life, and said, fondly, "Tu sei molta carina," which Eliza had Google-Translated and then blushed over for the next hour. She's quite the flirt when she wants to be.

Suddenly, there's a knock on the door, and Maria stirs slightly. Eliza climbs over the back of the couch, careful not to wake the sleeping girl, and fumbles with the doorknob, pulling the door open. 

Angelica bursts in with a breeze of perfume. "Elizabeth-" she begins, at full volume, but Maria stirs and mumbles something from the couch and Angelica frowns, gaze shifting between Maria and the beer bottles and the ice cream. Eliza pushes her into her bedroom, and shuts the door behind them, preparing herself for an interrogation.

"What the fuck happened?" Angelica asks in a low voice, hands firmly on her hips.

"Alex and I broke up," Eliza says, her voice cracking on the last word. Angelica softens abruptly, pulling her into a hug. Angelica gives the best hugs, warm and consuming and soft.

"What happened, 'Liza?" she asks, one hand rubbing circles on Eliza's back.

Eliza sighs. "He was sleeping with John Laurens."

She can feel the way Angelica goes tense, spine turning into steel. "While you were dating?"

"Yes."

The circles resume as Angelica forces herself to relax. "Are you alright?"

"I don't really feel that sad about it," Eliza confesses quietly. "Maria came over and that helped. I just- I know I should feel more, we've been together for longer than I can remember, but it just- I mean, it stung at first, but afterwards? Maria said something really nice about it- she said she'd write poetry about me."

"I'll bet she did," Angelica murmurs to herself.

"What?"

"Just thinking about Maria."

"She's a sweetheart, isn't she?"

"That she is." Angelica pulls back, holds Eliza's face in both hands. "Be careful, 'Liza."

"I know, Angie."

Angelica presses a kiss to her forehead. "I'll leave you two to it, then," she says teasingly, and then her voice goes hard, "while I go have some words with Alexander."

Eliza sighs- there's no dissuading her, and Peggy'll be even worse, no doubt. "I'm okay, Angie. Really."

"Right, right. I'll be back tomorrow morning."

"Okay."

"Love you, 'Liza."

"Love you too, Angie."

And then she's off, skirt swirling about her feet, into the midnight.

Eliza watches her go for a moment, and then locks the door and slides onto the couch beside Maria again, who mumbles sleepily against her skin- something about bringing in the cold, maybe, but despite her words, Maria's arms snake around Eliza, and tug her in closer.

 

Angelica finds Alex in his dorm, barefoot and still rubbing the sleep from his eyes as he opens the door.

"Alexander," she says, ice in her mouth, and he pales.

"Angelica," he responds, weakly. "Uh, come in?"

She brushes by him into his room. James (Alex's long-suffering roommate) takes one look at the expression on her face and jumps at the opportunity to excuse himself.

"So," she says, turning to face him. "I thought, when I met you, that you were a good guy. A kindred soul. Perfect for my Eliza."

He swallows. "Angie-"

"Don't call me that," she snaps, and then reins herself in and continues in that slow, cold tone. "Imagine my surprise when I get a text from Maria Reynolds that tells me my sister is crying and you've broken her heart. I am not wrong very often, Alexander. Not about most people and especially not about people I care for."

"I didn't mean to-"

"You cheated, Alexander." She says it with some deep incurable sadness welling up in her throat. Then, louder, "You cheated. On Eliza.  _Eliza_! Goddamnit, of all people, you had to pick the one who's never done you wrong?" She's relentless, now, stepping closer and closer like a predator hunting its prey. "Do you know what that does to people? And don't give me that shit about how it was an accident or you didn't mean to. Because at the end of the day, all that matters is that you did it."

His chin falls. He looks like a little boy being scolded for stealing candy.

"I'm sorry," he whispers.

She straightens, steel written in every line of her face. "I'm not the one to apologise to, and besides, your apologies are worthless."

"What did it matter?" Alex snaps back at her. "She didn't want me! She had-  _has_ - Maria, after all. We barely even talked to each other!"

"Oh, you motherfucker. You've been together for years, and the second Eliza gets a best friend, you're insecure, because Maria's softer and kinder and hotter than you, so you cheat? If you're going to be selfish, don't bring Maria into it."

"Jesus, okay. Fine. I'll apologise to Eliza tomorrow." He throws his hands up.

Angelica gives him a look that's pure ice. "You will." She walks away, and the door's open by the time that she looks back. "And, by the way? Congratulations."

The door clatters shut behind her.

 

\--

 

Maria wakes at nine, stretching lazily as morning light washes over her. She's in a different bed, but it's familiar, and the sheets smell like Eliza, so she doesn't panic, just rolls out and pads into the kitchen, lured by the scent of coffee and pancakes.

"Good morning, _fiorellina_ ," she murmurs, hoarse from sleep, and Eliza's cheeks burn red.

"The best."

She flips the pancakes. There's still a splatter of pancake batter smeared along her cheek. Maria, overcome at the sight, starts humming an Italian song. Eliza listens, and whistles along with the chorus.


	3. bruises and hospital beds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> tw for rape/non-con PLEASE DO NOT READ THIS IF THAT MAY BE TRIGGERING

Maria's in the middle of tossing flour at a giggling Eliza when her phone buzzes from where she dropped it by the front door. She slides over, looks at the texts that have piled up, and curses.

"What's wrong?" Eliza asks, turning, and Maria can't tell her the truth. So she puts on her best smile, says,

"Nothing,  _angioletta mia_ ," and slips out the door.

When she opens the door, James is there, angry, eyes glazed over, swaying. He kicks the door shut behind her and drags her to the bed. 

"No!" she protests, "No, please, no, don't do this-"

"Don't you love me?" he asks, and his voice is dangerous, and she watches with wide eyes as he pulls down his pants and then her underwear, and she covers her face with her hands so she doesn't have to see him, but she feels the sharp pain as he pushes his way in, and her hands smell like citrus and flowers, and she cries as he has his way, rough, violent, and the tears stain her cheeks. He at least has the decency to pull out- he doesn't want a bastard child, after all- and he stares at her half-naked form as he finishes himself off, and she closes her eyes, mortified, ashamed, afraid. He leaves the room, and she pulls her skirt on with shaking hands, averting her gaze so she doesn't have to see the bruises mottling her thighs, her abdomen, every inch of her skin.

_Eliza could never love me, pure as she is,_  she thinks, brokenly,  _but she is the only thing that can make me feel safe._

So she steps out into the hallway, and James is there.

"Where do you think you're going?" he asks, and she flinches back from him. He spits, and pushes her up against the wall. One hand closes around her windpipe, and she shudders.

"You belong to me, Lewis," he hisses, and she doesn't speak. Finally, he lets go, and she can feel the bruises already forming. "I'm sick of you!"

When James's hand connects with her cheek, sending her stumbling out the door, she swipes the tears from her cheeks, looks at her reflection, and thinks of a soft smile and a warm bed.

This is a bad idea. 

On second thought, this is probably the worst idea she's ever had in her life. But she knocks at the door uncertainly, and moments later it swings in, and Eliza Schuyler stands there in all her glory.

She frowns for a second. "Maria?"

And Eliza sees the bruises, four, around her throat, and the broken look in dark eyes, and then Maria pitches forward, and all she sees is black.

 

She only barely manages to catch Maria, and she closes the door with her foot as she pulls the girl into her arms.

"No," she whispers, "No, please," 

And she calls 911, and refuses to let go of Maria's hand until the doctor kicks her out, and then she paces in the waiting room. Alex shows up after a brief, teary call.

"I'm going to beat the fuck out of this guy." he says, fists clenched, and grabs her in a comforting hug.

When her name is called, Eliza springs to her feet and rushes to the hospital room. Her way to the bed is blocked by the doctor.

"How is she?" she asks, breathless.

"She will heal," the doctor says hesitantly.

"Tell me." Eliza says fiercely.

The doctor lets out a breath.

"She has a broken rib and a fractured wrist, as well as some damage done to her windpipe. There's multiple forced vaginal entries, and a slight concussion."

Behind her, Alex sucks in his breath.

"I'm going to kill him." she says, quiet, deadly, and pushes her way past her to Maria. She looks tiny, dressed in a white hospital gown.

Eliza takes her hand, kisses it softly.

"Maria," she says softly. "I'm so sorry. You'll never have to see him again. I love you."

And she pulls out her phone.

The first call is to the police; she tells them to take James Reynolds into custody. The second is to her lawyer, and she arranges a meeting. The third is to Laurens. She tells him what has happened, and where Alex is, and he promises to bring waffles. The fourth is to Angelica, the fifth to Peggy. Her siblings are there almost immediately, and Peggy swears that over their dead body will Maria ever have to see James again. Angelica just watches Eliza as she holds the unconscious girl's hand, and her smile is knowing.

The police call her back, and tell her that James Reynolds is now facing multiple charges of rape, unprovoked assault, possession, distribution and use of illegal drugs, and armed robbery. They put him on the phone, and she tells him to go to hell. In response, he snarls a few choice words, and she hangs up in disgust.

When Maria wakes, she cries, and so does Eliza. Laurens offers her waffles, Peggy hugs her, and Angelica holds out a hand and says, "It's nice to finally meet my sister's girlfriend," and at that, Eliza blushes bright red and protests.

"She's not my girlfriend!" Eliza says, and then looks around. "Uh... back me up, guys?"

The room is suspiciously silent. Eliza sighs, exasperated, and looks over at Maria, who is giving her a shy smile. Eliza is immediately swept away by the rare smile, and gives a brilliant grin in return. Somehow, the others take this as their cue to leave, and when she looks back, they're all gone.

Maria fiddles with a loose thread, uncharacteristically off guard.

"What's wrong with me?" she asks quietly, and Eliza grasps her hand, intertwining their fingers.

"Nothing's wrong with you," she says, low, fervent, desperate, and Maria shoots her a look.

"I'm not as fragile as you think, Eliza," she says, and Eliza sighs.

"You have a slight concussion, fractured wrist, broken rib, damage to the windpipe, and, um... multiple forced entries."

They both wince, and Maria hesitates.

"James?"

"You'll never have to see that scum again," Eliza says, hatred evident in her voice, "He's in custody, and I'm taking him to court."

"Everyone's going to know." Maria whispers, sinking further into it, "The world has no place in this."

"It's okay," Eliza says quietly, pulling Maria into her arms. "I'll make sure that no one knows except us."

"But- your lawyer, won't-"

"It'll be someone good. I promise."

"I trust you." 

"Thank you."

Maria shivers in Eliza's arms, and tears run down her face. Eliza holds her, murmuring sweet nothings in her curly hair, breathing in the smell of cinnamon.

"I never want to see him again," Maria sobs, and Eliza just holds her tighter.

"I know," she says again, "and you won't have to. He'll never so much as see you again."

Maria's fingers grip the front of Eliza's shirt, as if she's trying to suffocate herself in the tangy scent of citrus and flowers.

"I'll be here," she promises. "I'll always be here."


	4. the things that last

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Please don't read this chapter if you have any triggers or trauma surrounding self-harm or attempted suicide. Thank you and stay safe!

James is sentenced to a lifetime in prison. Maria had thought that it would stop once he was safely put away, but it stays; the lingering fear of the worst, always lurking around the corner.

Every time she thinks of James, there is an uncontrollable shiver, a tensing, then relaxation of her muscles, and that is all at first. But soon, at any unexpected sound or sight, the same thing happens. Soon, there is a ringing in her ears. And finally, she loses control of her limbs. The right arm first. Then the left, and then her legs, and one day when Eliza comes up behind her and turns on the stove, she reacts instinctively, and her limbs thrash, _don't touch me_ and _never again_ and _I don't want to_. She connects multiple times with something soft, and in her blind defiance she feels satisfaction in that, and then strong hands grab her around the waist and push her away, and when she finally gains control of herself, comes to, a shirtless Eliza is pressing an ice pack to her abdomen.

There is a bruise flowering on her cheek, and dark bruises line her collarbone. Maria scrambles forward, and pulls the ice pack gently away- and stares. There is a burn, second-degree at least, bright red against Eliza's heaving stomach.

She realizes that Eliza must have pushed her away from the stove.

"Eliza," she says, and Eliza doesn't meet her eyes. "Eliza!" desperate, and Eliza looks away, then walks off.

And Maria curls up on the cold, hard floor and cries, because if she loses Elizabeth Schuyler, she has lost all kindness, all hope, all goodness that was ever in her life.

Eliza disappears for the rest of the week, on some sort of business trip, and Maria is now sure that this is not any sort of life worth living.

She ends up kneeling over the ceramic bathtub, tiles cold against her knees, razor pressed to the throbbing blue vein at her wrist. She breathes slowly, steadily, and the sound echoes eerily off the walls (in the distance, a door opens and closes). She makes one last prayer to the gods that have long forsaken her. _Keep her safe_. (A quiet call: 'Maria?'). And then she shifts the razor to the side, takes one more breath, and yanks it downwards- and a hand catches it, pulls the razor out of her grasp, and pushes her up against the wall.

She sucks in a breath as she comes face to face with a very angry Eliza Schuyler, hazel eyes burning.

"What are you doing?" Eliza shouts, and Maria just stares, before speaking, voice trembling.

"I- you were avoiding me, and I can't- I'm not worth-"

"Yes you are." Eliza interrupts, jaw set. "You are not dying, you are not going to die, because if you die, then I will, too. You're my best friend, and if you die, I won't be able to handle it."

"You can't die." Maria says slowly, "because if you die, you ruin the lives of so many people. I'm not worth anything to anyone. Just let me die, and I'll be off your hands."

"You're an idiot." Eliza grits out, and Maria recoils. "Don't you understand? I love you."

And then hazel eyes widen in surprise, and she backs away, mouthing, 'I'm sorry', and Eliza is gone before Maria can stop her, can say, _me too_.


	5. a soft recovery

Eliza has never been one to run away from a challenge. But this- this is different. She avoids Maria like the plague, because just one glimpse of confused drowsy chocolate, and she's sure she'll do something very, very stupid.

But, like all challenges ignored, it chases after her, and she swears that Maria Lewis will be the death of her. And she can't do that to Maria, put her in another situation like that. So she goes out clubbing, and kisses anyone with dark, curly hair and chocolate eyes, and pretends that they smell like cinnamon.

A girl has her pressed up against the wall by the time Alex walks in, hand in hand with John. They notice her, and Alex strides over and taps the girl's shoulder.

"Excuse me." he says, frowning at Eliza, and the girl raises her eyebrows and slips away.

"What are you doing?" Eliza demands.

"I'm keeping you from drowning your sorrows. You're pining after Maria."

She scowls. "No, I'm not."

"Yeah, sure. And it's not like you've slept with anyone who resembles her."

He raises an eyebrow victoriously, and Eliza sighs, looking away.

"Talk to her. Tell her how you feel."

"She doesn't like me back." Eliza mutters, and Alex throws his head back and laughs uproariously.

"Have you seen the way she looks at you? She acts like the sun shines out of your ass. Don't be a dumbass, Eliza."

At Eliza's sceptical expression, he sighs. "Just talk to her."

"Fine."

  
Maria opens the door for her and silently hands her a mug of green tea, with a dash of sugar. Eliza mutters a "Thank you," and Maria nods.

"We need to talk," Eliza says suddenly, rising, and Maria uncrosses her legs and stands in front of her.

"So, I said that I love you." she says, cheeks flaming, and Maria nods. "And I don't know about you, but I feel as if what we have is special."

Maria nods again.

"And, if you want to, I mean, I don't want to-"

And Maria's drowsy chocolate eyes are completely impassive, and Eliza falters, her legendary awkwardness rearing its head, and she stumbles her way through an incoherent sentence involving "I know you're not ready," and, "you're really pretty," and then Maria leans forward and kisses her.

And a thousand fireworks go off, and it is soft and sweet and hesitant and a little bit shy, and neither of them really remembers what to do next.

Then Maria pulls back, and Eliza lets out a relieved huff.

"You just wanted to make me squirm, didn't you?" she accuses, and Maria smiles, chocolate eyes twinkling with laughter.

 

She's not sure where her sudden nerve comes from- perhaps it's Eliza's adorable awkwardness, or the realisation that Eliza Schuyler is in love with her, of all people, but she cups her hands around the other's cheeks and kisses her, gentle, soft, saying so much more than any words. It is both everything and nothing she thought it would be. Eliza tastes like green tea, with a hint of alcohol, and she only pulls back because she kind of wants to see her reaction.

Her hazel eyes are wide, pupils a little blown, and when she says, with a hint of playfulness,

"You just wanted to make me squirm, didn't you?", Maria smiles.

And then Eliza kisses her again, hard, and she gives a little gasp before tangling her fingers in soft hair, and then there is a red-hot swipe against her painted lower lip, and she opens her mouth eagerly, and it is burning and still gentle, and hurried settles into languid, velvet tongue exploring her mouth. Somehow, it feels familiar; they are so close that this one step is nothing; their bodies move in unison, and then suddenly Maria has Eliza pressed against the wall, and Eliza's mouth is needy, insistent, and she lets out a stifled moan before biting hard on Maria's bottom lip, and Maria pulls back, and she realises that her leg is pressed up against the apex of Eliza's thighs, and she looks up with an apology only to see hazel eyes, barely hazel anymore, pupils blown, looking at her with such hunger that she isn't quite sure what to do. She's never been looked at like that before, never been kissed like that before.

"Eliza," she whispers, and Eliza nods in understanding, steps away, and Maria suddenly is filled with blinding frustration, because everything she ever wanted is here in front of her, and she's not giving that up right now. Not now. So she lunges forward, kisses her again, one hand snaking downward, fingers sliding down Eliza's waistband, and Eliza lets out something between a moan and a hiss, and then pushes her back.

"Are you sure?" she asks, breathless, and Maria almost nods, but stops herself, because Eliza will see the bruises, and then she won't want her anymore, damaged as she is. Eliza must see the hesitation in her eyes, because she nods, pulls Maria's hand from where it rests against soft skin, and steps back.

"I won't rush you," she says quietly, "Whenever you're ready."

And Maria nods, because she knows that Eliza never breaks her promises. For the first time, she thinks, she's sort of looking forward to tomorrow.


	6. gentle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is the disgusting fluff, and also the texting, as promised.

She's not sure what she was thinking when she told Alex.

She was not expecting him to pull out his phone, and text the entire world. She opens her phone as well, and glances at the group chat.

**Hamfam**

**11:34 PM**

**alexthegreat** : okay I think she's gonna do it

 **angel** : y'all realize she'll murder us if she learns we're betting on her

 **turtle** : oh shit

 **gothedistance**  and **labaguette** have entered the chat **Hamfam**

 **gothedistance** : waz good motherfuckers

 **labaguette** : we just got back from

 **l** **abaguette** : how you say?

 **labaguette** : Netflix and chilling

 **alexthegreat** : ew no tmi

 **Margarita** has entered the chat **Hamfam**

 **Margarita** : the fine piece of ass has entered the chat

 **Margarita** : holy shit im changing my name

 **Margarita** has changed their name to **finepieceofass**

 **alexthegreat** : listen up all you motherfuckers

 **alexthegreat** : the lovebirds are together

 **angel** : wow. look at me, being right again. amazing.

 **turtle** : yes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 **labaguette** : haha herc u motherfucker u owe me 20

 **finepieceofass** : wtf herc u traitor

 **gothedistance** : u already own my ass laf <3

 **labaguette** : <3

 **finepieceofass** : awww

 **alexthegreat** : we gotta celebrate

 **finepieceofass** : someone invite the lovebirds

 **finepieceofass**  has invited **daaaaamn**! and **Schuyler 2** to the chat **Hamfam**

 **daaaaamn**!: uh...hi?

 **finepieceofass** : holy shit so nervous

 **labaguette** : so cute

 **turtle** : so precious

 **alexthegreat** : so shiny

 **gothedistance** : so adorable

 **angel** : so pure

 **alexthegreat** : hi maria

 **angel** : i don't believe we've met formally

 **angel** : my name is angelica

 **angel** : and if you hurt my precious baby sister

 **angel** : you will die painfully

 **Schuyler 2** : angie what the fuck

 **finepieceofass** : yes if u hurt my tiny baby

 **finepieceofass** : u will be dead before morning

 **finepieceofass** : MOURNING

 **Schuyler 2** : since when am i ur tiny baby

 **finepieceofass** : since u were born and u were the cutest goddamn thing

 **Schuyler 2** : you weren't even alive!

 **daaaaamn!** : what is this and why is my username that

 **alexthegreat** : welcome to hamfam

 **finepieceofass** : and you are daaaaamn

 **finepieceofass** : holy shit alex that rhymed

 **alexthegreat** : lol spit a verse

 **finepieceofass** : welcome to the fam

 **finepieceofass** : the chat that went bam

 **finepieceofass** : cause u, my British ma'am

 **finepieceofass** : are too HOT DAMN

 **daaaaamn!** : ...what?

 **finepieceofass** : ur hot

 **finepieceofass** : 10/10 would bang

 **Schuyler 2** : peggy back the fuck off if you wanna stay alive

 **finepieceofass** : angie help me

 **angel** : peggy allow me to introduce you

 **angel** : peggy, meet survival instinct, survival instinct, meet peggy

 **angel** : i don't believe ur acquainted

 **finepieceofass** : fight me motherfucker

 **turtle** : oooooooooohhh

 **Schuyler 2** : oooooooooooohhh

 **gothedistance** : oooooooooohh

 **labaguette** : ooooooooohhh

 **alexthegreat** : oooooooohhh

 **daaaaamn!** : um im confused

 **Schuyler 2** : ok pegs just got dragged to hell and back by angie

 **labaguette** : damn right they got

 **labaguette** : how you say?

 **labaguette** : roasted

 **finepieceofass** : et tu laf

 **angel** : anyway alex

 **angel** : u owe me 20

 **alexthegreat** : shit fine

 **alexthegreat** : lets go 2 dinner

 **finepieceofass** : where?

 **finepieceofass** : somewhere cheapass cuz im broke

 **alexthegreat** : tacos on me

 **angel** : and 20 bucks

 **angel** : you said they would wait a week before hooking up

 **alexthegreat** : fine

 **alexthegreat** : 9 at rico's

 

Eliza looks up in angry disbelief. "You were betting on us?"

Maria looks over at the empty seat where once Alex was sitting, and shrugs.

"It's okay." she says. "They probably need an income source, anyway."

Eliza laughs, and Maria kisses her cheek. She doesn't think that she's ever been this happy.


	7. all the things to love

She is a writer. It is her calling, to watch the whole scene, and still note the tiny details. It is her calling, to find beauty in those not considered beautiful, and the dark parts of beautiful things. That is what every teacher has ever told her, and that rule is inscribed in endless stories, sung in every song.

And yet Eliza Schuyler defies that rule. She watches, and watches, and finds nothing ugly, nothing that is anything but pure and good and lovely.

She notes the slight lines creasing her forehead when she concentrates, the tiny wrinkles at the corners of her eyes, the subtle upwards tug at the corner of her mouth when she holds back laughter, her grin, too wide for her face, the slight tap of her fingers against the table, the way she runs her hands through her hair in the mornings, the unconscious softening of her eyes when she looks at Maria, her clumsiness, tripping over chairs and even the counter once, her adorable awkwardness, stumbling over sentences, and her shy smile.

Her voice; how it can change from teasing and playful to a low, seductive timbre, her slow blink, the insistent tug of her fingers on Maria's collar when trying to get her attention, how she looks curled up on the couch, reading, hair pulled into a messy bun, glasses perched on the tip of her nose, brow creased in concentration, and, god, her eyes.

Maria could write a book on Eliza's eyes. Hazel, sometimes dark, pupils blown, sometimes bright, sometimes glimmering, teasing, sometimes shining, almost grey in the moonlight. Stunning.

And there is nothing evil, not even in her anger, always righteous, always in defence of someone else, usually Maria. She learns that Eliza hates arguing, will avoid it at all costs, until the line is crossed, and then she rises to do battle for her friends. She furthermore learns that Eliza is very hot when she argues.

She learns that Eliza does nothing halfway.

Out of all Eliza's moods, the one Maria hates the most is sadness. She doesn't just weep, she mourns, and she can spend days crying for something ridiculous, like a dead squirrel. And even with the sometimes overwhelming emotions, she is in love.

And she tells Eliza that as much as is possible, and still she worries endlessly, because she can't give Eliza what she wants, and there's always a tiny flicker of disappointment in Eliza's face when she pulls away from a too-heated kiss. Maria feels as if she owes someone this beautiful that, at least, and one day, she tells Eliza that.

Eliza looks over and smiles. "You owe me nothing," she says gently. "We don't need a consummation for this to be real."

Maria melts a little, and feels herself falling a little more in love, and yet, not so deep down, there's still the lingering fear of that flicker of disappointment. So she pushes Eliza back, turns her cheek, and catches Eliza looking at her strangely, but then she backs away, and she feels both relief and hatred. Hatred towards herself, because she knows Eliza loves her out of pity, and nothing she says can dispel that belief. She looks at herself for a second in the shower before averting her eyes, away from the bruised, damaged sight of her thighs, her stomach, her chest. She rinses her eyes repeatedly, and Eliza kisses her cheek lightly, a touch confused, as if she knows something's wrong but she's not quite sure what.

 _Eliza could never love you_ , her brain reminds her, in that voice that sounds so much like James. _She deserves so much better than you can give her._


	8. miscommunication

Eliza knows Maria isn't ready, won't be ready for a while, and she understands, sympathises, and yet she hates it.

She wants, so much, to watch Maria come apart, to watch those red-painted lips part in pleasure, to hear the whispered Italian, and she knows she can't have it. She watches, more than a little confused, as Maria steadily starts pulling away from her, and it puzzles her to no end.

But she waits, and waits.

She's patient. She can wait for years, but the frustration spreads through her like fire. She waits, even as she leans in slightly and Maria turns her cheek.

Then, one day, Maria steps through the door, and Eliza holds out her arms, and the other girl outright steps away from her embrace, not meeting her eyes. She stares in disbelief for a moment, and then she breaks.

In one sudden movement, she pins her up against the counter and kisses her, hard, frustrated, and when Eliza pulls away, just slightly, gasping for breath, Maria whispers brokenly, "Please, no," and Eliza jumps back, like she's been burned, and she thinks, ashamed, _you're no better than James_ , and then she raises a hand to swipe away the tears rolling down the other girl's cheeks, and Maria flinches away. Eliza steps back, watches her collect herself, then Maria turns and leaves, bolts out of the kitchen.

As soon as she hears the bedroom door close, she sinks to her knees, and buries her face in her hands. _There_ , she thinks bitterly to herself, _you've ruined any chance you ever had now. If she was ever in love with you, that's gone._

So they avoid each other's eyes, and no one does anything until Angelica barges through the front door to find Eliza curled up on the couch, staring blankly into the distance.

"Something's wrong with you," Angelica says without preamble, and Eliza sighs.

"Nothing's wrong. Go away, Angie."

"Trouble in paradise?" Angelica asks, and Eliza winces slightly. Angelica doesn't miss it- she's spent years watching over Eliza, and she can read her like a book.

"What paradise?" she asks blankly, and then Angelica hugs her, slightly awkwardly, and Eliza bursts into tears. Angelica simply holds her tighter.

"She doesn't want me," Eliza sobs, "I forced myself on her," and at Angelica's slightly alarmed look, "not like that, I kissed her, and she didn't want me to, and I'm just like James, and there's no way she could ever love me now, and I-" Angelica holds her as she cries, and when she's tired out, pulls out her phone.

**Hamfam**

**9:51 PM**

**angel** : maria

 **daaaaamn!** : yes?

 **angel** : we have to talk

 **angel** : im opening a new chat

 

 **serious discussion**  

 **angel** : so

 **daaaaamn!** : um?

 **anegl** : is there a reason liza is currently curled up crying

 **angel** : like seriously she's a wreck

 **daaaaamn!** : shit really?

 **angel** : yeah

 **angel** : i want your side of it which is why your ass is still unkicked

 **angel** : meet me at rico's when ur class is over

 **angel** : when does ur class end?

 **daaaaamn!** : fuck class meet u in 10

 **angel** : good

 **angel** : you'd better have a damn good explanation


	9. confrontation

Angelica is sitting on the edge of a fountain when Maria finds her, and she takes a seat next to her. Angelica offers her a taco, and she shakes her head.

"What's wrong?" Maria asks, and she sighs, looks her in the eye.

"Eliza thinks that you don't love her," she says bluntly, "and I don't know what the fuck happened, but I need an explanation."

Maria sits in stunned silence for a moment before speaking. "That's impossible." she says quietly, and Angelica shrugs gracefully.

"Evidently not. Details, please."

Maria tugs limply at a lock of her hair. "I... Well, she's never pressured me into doing anything. She's not like that. But, I didn't think that she could ever want that from me, and I don't think she would if she knew about everything James did."

"She was at the trial," Angelica says quietly, and Maria shakes her head.

"She didn't hear all of it."

And Angelica nods slowly. "Then tell her."

"She won't want-"

"Tell her." she says, louder, and Maria sighs.

"I can't live without her. If she decides that-"

"Do you know Eliza?" she interrupts. Maria doesn't respond, and she nods, triumphant. "Just tell her. You might be surprised."

When she opens the door, Eliza is still curled up on the couch, eyes empty, blank.

"Hey," Maria says softly, and Eliza looks over in surprise.

"Maria?"

"I think we need to talk." Maria says, and Eliza nods a little.

She takes a seat, hands fiddling together in her lap.

"There were some things I didn't tell you about James," she says, and then she speaks, pours out her story to Eliza's wide hazel eyes.

She tells her everything. And when she finishes, she looks down, unable to meet her eyes, hands tugging at her shirt, helpless to Eliza's judgment.

Then Eliza leans forward, cups her hands around Maria's face, and kisses her, light and sweet, and Maria can feel the comfort flowing through her.

"I could never stop loving you," she says gently. "Never. Not in a million years."

"I love you too," Maria says, and kisses her again.


	10. a quiet kind of love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> to kayla! cheers.

They're lying on the couch one night, window showing the clear, starry sky, a lamp dimly illuminating the room, and Maria's watching Eliza read. She looks breathtaking, hazel eyes calm, peaceful.

It's been a month since they officially became a couple, and Maria smiles a little at the recollection, writes another sentence in her report.

Eliza blinks slowly, turns a page with gentle fingers.

Maria still has episodes, but they don't happen at tiny triggers, not anymore.

Hazel eyes flick over sentences, Eliza's lips quirking at something funny.

She still has nightmares, of course.

Another page flips.

She's not sure they'll ever go away.

She looks down at her paper, scribbles a sentence, and when she looks back up, hazel eyes are watching her.

"What are you thinking about?" Eliza asks, a half-smile tugging at her lips.

Maria means to say 'nothing', but instead it comes out as "You."

Eliza looks at her for a second, surprised, and then beams, and Maria leans in and kisses her, teeth knocking a little as they try to fight off matching smiles.

Eliza pulls back after a second, and says, "You're so sweet," and Maria hesitantly leans back in, one hand rising to cup the back of the other girl's neck.

Eliza does something with her tongue that is absolutely incredible, and Maria sees stars, accidentally bites down on Eliza's lower lip, and she's worried she shouldn't have done that, but instead there's something between a gasp and a moan in response.

"Whenever you're ready," Eliza says, breathless, between kisses, and when Maria doesn't respond, she pulls back, and rests her forehead against the other girl's, worriedly searching drowsy chocolate eyes that are suddenly very, very blown.

"Yes." Maria gasps, and kisses her, and it is all Eliza can do to stagger toward the bedroom, clumsily closing the door behind them.

Maria falls back on the bed, and Eliza follows her, catching the other girl and slowly lowering her the rest of the way down. Delicate fingers tug at Maria's shirt, unbuttoning it hastily, and suddenly Eliza realises the enormity of what Maria is letting her do, and she slows down, taking care, doing everything with the utmost precision. As she slips off the last button, she slides Maria's waistband down, and off.

Suddenly, Maria's hands grip at the sides of her shirt, and Eliza looks up. In the moonlight glowing through the window, she sees drowsy chocolate eyes, completely alert.

"I- it's not- if you- I don't know if you want to see-"

And then Eliza's fingers cover her own, and she draws in a shuddering breath and pulls her hands away, then covers her face in shame, because she doesn't want to see Eliza's reaction when she sees how damaged Maria really is.

Eliza slowly draws her shirt open, and stares. Maria's abdomen and thighs are spotted with purple-blue-brown, faded bruises covering tanned skin, and for a fleeting second she feels an impossible anger rising in her at James, at the universe that was so cruel to give a person like Maria this life, but that anger disappears as quickly as it arrives, because, like it or not, the bruises are a part of Maria now, and the invisible dots of purple will still be there long after the marks have faded.

Maria makes a half-choked noise behind her hands, and Eliza realises that the other girl is crying. She reaches up, touches Maria's hands, pulls them away from her face. Maria stares at her, eyes shining with unshed tears, and Eliza looks into fearful drowsy chocolate eyes and says, simply, with the utmost conviction, "Beautiful."

And then she leans down, brushes her lips against smooth, soft skin, kisses the bruises, and Maria simply stares in wonder, because what she did in a previous life to deserve Eliza Schuyler, she doesn't know. And then Eliza's mouth moves lower, and she arches up, lets out a tiny "oh", and suddenly there is a feeling rushing up in her that she has never felt before; James was her first, and it was never like this, and then she forgets about James, and Eliza does something incredible with her mouth, and then she watches as Maria comes apart, red lips parting silently as she arches upwards.

Afterwards, neither of them really know what to say, and so they don't speak. They hold each other, and when Maria cries, Eliza kisses away her tears.


	11. conclusion

When she wakes, Eliza is not there, and she is suddenly filled with dread at the thought that Eliza pitied her too much to leave until she was asleep.

She stumbles into the kitchen, calling out, "Eliza!" and hazel eyes are suddenly twinkling down at her, and, for the first time since the trial, she doesn't react. Instead, she smiles, and kisses her, the warmth of her lips calm, solid, comforting, an anchor to a world not plagued by wrongdoing, and in the meeting of their lips comes the meeting of two worlds.

And for the first time, Maria thinks that, just maybe, life is worth living again.

And it's all because of Eliza Schuyler.


End file.
